yesterday, i cried

"You cannot give to others what you do not give to yourself." -- Some affirmation

It's been almost two weeks now since hearing the news of a friend's mother's death. She abruptly lost her battle with breast cancer. I had never met her mother, but I cried and cried and cried and cried. Then I called my friend up and cried some more. I guess the impact of the news hit harder than I imagined, given that I had just found out weeks earlier about my own father's cancer. And given how I had just talked to her a few days earlier about how well her mother was recuperating from her latest round of radiation. And now she was gone.

I never know what to say or do in these situations. How do you comfort a friend in grief? What if you say the wrong thing? Ultimately I decided that the best thing to do was to pray that my words might inspire some comfort. And it was OK that I was falling apart right along with her. I could call her anyway to know that she is in my heart and prayers.

I am reminded of the context with which I know her. She is my friend, she is my colleague, but we really know each other in the context of group therapy. I had commented weeks earlier about how unfamiliar I was with the me that was coming unglued and always in need of Kleenex. She remarked how she was unable to even go there to where tears start to fall.

We both sat and cried and talked on the telephone that day. I can't help but think that those tears prepared me for this moment, when I could open myself up to cry with her, and eventually we will both be able to pick up our respective pieces and keep on keeping on.