"i believe the children are our future...."

I panicked myself into a job-hunting frenzy. I asked myself: "What kinds of marketable skills do I have that folks are willing to pay for?" *crickets chirping* Naw seriously, I'm an academic, so teaching is supposed to be my thing, right? Well, not if the psychology department has its say, but whatever.... I got on my internet grind and applied for several part-time gigs:

1. research assistant with a huge social science institute on campus
I would be working with some "big dawgs" in psychology and other social sciences, so this might actually be a good thing for cultivating connections, as we say.

2. teacher/tutor at Kaplan
I would be teaching high schoolers skills to pass their SATs/ACTs... if I can myself score in the top 90th percentile on the verbal or math since my own scores are now 5+ years old.

3. teacher/tutor at Princeton Review
Same type of gig as #2.

4. academic tutor with the Athletics Department
I would be tutoring failing athletes in statistics (not that I understand stats all that well myself, but surely moreso than an undergrad, I figure). Here's one way to work on getting some dates... Hope I don't run into that young man on the football team that I infamously made out with last summer....

I figure I can con someone into believing that my purpose in life is to teach (aka "I believe the children are our future" spiel). But I'm almost 100% certain that it is not.