Thursday, July 5, 2007

bursting my bubble

I've been having dreams of redecorating my bedroom as a summer project. As if it's not bad enough that I live in the kids' room (my roommate, whose name is on the mortgage round this piece, has the pimped out room/bedroom/walk-in closet combo), I'm becoming more and more sickened with the clutter that lives in my room with me.

It's not that I'm just junky because I wanna be. I actually do not have room to store away my stuff, so it clutters every known surface in my room. I voiced my opinion about selling all my bedroom furniture and buying new stuff that I really like from Ikea to my mom. Of course she has to come in with practical concerns: How much longer will I be living here? Won't I be buying new furniture just to sell in a year or two? OK, so it's not very practical, but it will buy me some happiness with my surroundings. I'm sick and tired of just dealing with things in the hopes that it will get better later (the fucking theme of my life).

Since I refuse to move out on the grounds of going into debt to live solo... this is the compromise. I just cannot live in a space that does not feel like mine anymore. This seems like an easy decision -- just do what I want -- but since she's voiced objections I'm starting to feel ambivalent. *sigh* I fucking hate this. I should just do what I want, right?

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