A very close friend of mine just announced that she is pregnant. Again. By this same dude who fathered her first child with whom she swore she wasn't ever getting back together with. And why? For good reason, including the fact that he ain't taking care of business. When I say ain't taking care of business, I'm talking about the fact that dude is in his 30's, chronically unemployed, still living with Mom, and a weedhead. Not to mention some anger management issues and needs to back up off of flying off the handle and calling her all kinds of "fat bitches" etc. when he doesn't like something she does. This whole description probably just came off as judgmental, but these are the facts, as have been told to me. So I was floored to hear that she was pregnant by this dude again - when truth be told - she ain't got a pot to piss in herself.
So here's where I'm struggling.... I know people make different life choices than myself, but I seriously don't get it (and I suppose it's not for me to get either). Maybe this is just my Black middle class upbringing talking again, but I don't understand going off and having kids all willy-nilly. Once, I'll give you a pass. Three "ooops" pregnancies within the past 4 years? I don't get it at all. You don't have a home of your own. You have a very shaky relationships with these guys to begin with. You just became steadily employed within the past 6 months. Dude ain't in the position to help financially 'cept babysit when he ain't out trying to "live the dream" of being a rapper. [INSERT *ROLLING EYES* SMILEY HERE] And the list goes on and on.
Am I being bourgie? Am I being judgmental? I just can't connect this to being anyone's choice of an optimal life for oneself or one's child(ren). I really want to tell her to get it together. For real.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
So I she keeping the baby? "cause if it is who I think it is then she only has one child and you said 3 "oops" pregnancies in 4 years?
It has nothing to do with being Black and Middle Class...lol. You have a right to be upset.
But I think if it is who I think it is I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for dude. That's the im[ression I got when we talked awhile back and maybe she believes this time he'll marry her.
You got to understand that Black women get a lot of messages about how there aren't any good men out there. So there seems to be one of teo options:
1. Wait and hope you meet the right guy and risk never being married AND childless.
2. Accept the fact (at least how it's presented) that Mr. Right doesn't really exist, make the best with the man you have and become a mother even if it is unorthodox.
Some (middle class balck women in particular) think having kids out of wedlock is unacceptaable.
Others (myself included) feel like being childless is way worse then being single.
So that's my take on the situation. But you are definitely NOT being bougie for feeling the way you feel.
Only time will tell what's going to happen here. She texted me to say that an abortion may be on the horizon because she and dude came to the conclusion that they aren't in the position to have another one. Why this was not discussed up front is another mystery, but i digress.
She says she's torn, doesn't want to have an abortion, isn't sure that she can actually go through with it, but is not in the position to have another kid right now.
I'm not going to advise anyone to keep a child or have an abortion, but this whole situation is like damn. What do you say?
All of this emotional turmoil because she got off BCP because, at least in her mind, it was causing her to "gain weight." SMH.
Post a Comment