feeling some kinda way

i've come down off of the romanticism a bit. it has become increasingly apparent to me that whatever was brewing between FH and i has been put on hold - indefinitely.

due to some circumstances at work, which i am not privy to all the details, he's job-searching as well - and as you may have guessed, whatever time i hoped would have been put into nurturing our relationship is not being appropriated properly. which i am actually kinda meh about the whole thing at this point. *shrug*

i have some big decisions to make, namely about my career, or in other words, what am i gonna do? one thing is for sure.... i need a job, so to some extent, whatever pays the bills is what it's gonna have to be.

i was semi-hoping to continue along the path i've carved out in academia. it's "easy" as far as expectations, it's accessible, i like the schedule, and it's practical. only it seems like things are shaking up that way, especially due to the economic fallout. i'm wholly undecided on whether this is a bad thing. right now, i'm leaning towards bad because i don't already have a paying gig lined up for when i defend this dissertation in approximately two months.

being forced out gives me the opportunity to explore outside of a career path that i was very unsure about to begin with. only question left is: ok, now what?