closure

The theme of the other week in group therapy was "closure." I've been really reflective on this lately, especially in regards to past relationships.

I met Cincinnati when I was 21 years old. He had a good couple of years on me, he and I were about close as close can get, we weren't "officially together" (and I haven't been official with anyone for a good 8 years), but this was what I considered the second relationship of my adult life. He and I spent so much time together, as my sister put it, "I was just sure ya'll were in love." Save for trips out of town, for a good 6-8 months, we saw and/or spoke to each other everyday. He was my boyfriend by another name.

Of some of the endearing things he used to do were: knock twice on my bedroom window to come through following work every evening, bring in oatmeal raisin cookies from Subway because he knew I liked them, laugh at all of my dumb stories because he found me "amusing" (a high compliment coming from him), wrap his arms around me at night while we slept, wake up while I was getting dressed for work in the morning and tell me I looked beautiful, and when I needed something else -- some sexual satisfaction -- he would unselfishly give that to me too.

I was really hurt when we started growing apart. What was everyday communication broke down into every other week, then every few months, then down to nothing at all. He had been talking for years about wanting to get married - and he called my bluff - and went out and actually did it last year.

I had a hard time accepting that he never even told me he was engaged. Or planning a wedding. I knew he was dating someone, just didn't know it was this serious. Hurt when he forwarded me the wedding pictures where he held her hand at the altar and wiped a tear away with the other. All I could see was this picture-perfect wedding that I feared I would never have.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. It used to be that I couldn't listen to an Anthony Hamilton song without thinking of him (he was a major fan with that first CD). I especially think of the laughter and comfort and good times that we shared together - at times like now when I am painfully lonely for a man's interest/touch/affection.

It was only a year or two out of my life, but I have especially fond memories of him. Now when he crosses my mind, I hope that he's happy, and I wish for the happiness that I felt with him again with someone else.

change your world

I'm revisiting Anthony Hamilton's album "Ain't Nobody Worryin'."

Somehow I think this has something to do with Cincinnati. Dude I used to kick it HARD with a loooooong time ago.

I love this damn song.

"Change Your World."

101 Ways For Self Motivation

I was really feeling this one:

#21. Feel Good First
Most people think they’ll feel good once they reach some goal. They think happiness is OVER THERE somewhere. The problem with feeling good about yourself until you hit a goal is that it might never happen. By linking happiness to something you don’t have yet, you denying yourself the power to create it in the moment. Your happiness is your birth right. It shouldn’t depend on you ACHIEVING something. Start by claiming it and using it to make your journey fun all the way and not just at the end.

Click here to read the rest.

year of completion

Has 2007 been a year of completion for you?

2007 is a year that ends a nine year cycle. As with all endings comes the realization of certain truths in our lives. In a nine year you get the opportunity to reassess decisions you’ve made or did not make over the past nine years. Be prepared to see the success of seeds planted and nurtured throughout the years and the opportunity to plant new seeds. Be also aware that many patterns and habits that you have been repeating through the years that are not for your highest good will be revealed to you, so you can free yourself from them for once and for all.

A new year always gives us that new surge of energy that makes us say "this is the year!" What’s different about a nine year is that you will be shown how your efforts have paid off for you. For those who have worked hard and smart, you will be rewarded this year. Many of you have already seen the realization of a goal or dream and 2007 is the further expression of it. The energy of success brings more of the same. This is a time to explore new possibilities for yourself in business, relationships, or your personal development. This is a time to dream new and bigger dreams. A time to plant new seeds that will harvest bigger crops.

In a nine year you will be surprised by how many old friends you run into. People tend to resurface, sometimes to remind you about a particular quality you’ve let go dormant, or to remind you of good times you’ve shared, or to bring closure between you. You may also have old problems resurface that were not handled correctly. When you acknowledge this as a gift you can grow from the experience. When you connect with someone or something from your past ask yourself “what is the lesson and blessing that this person or situation represents?” In doing this you are able see the truth in the experience. Being forced to acknowledge and pay your debt is a good thing. Being reminded that you were a wonderful teacher, or mentor is also a good thing.

This is also a year of completion. If you’re in a dead-end job or relationship, look at when it started, or when you made the decision to settle. This is not a year to harbor regrets, but a year to make a conscious decision to end a pattern, a habit, a form of thinking, or a way of being. Be willing to let go of the dead weight in your life. Remember: You have to be willing to get rid of what you don’t want to make room for what you do want.

You have to take the time to evaluate your life. Look at all the areas of your life. Examine your successes and your perceived failures and congratulate yourself on both for your efforts. Then take each one and see how you can raise the bar, or do it better. Create a plan to achieve your new goals and put it into action.

2007 promises to bring joy and fulfillment. Be willing to receive it. Be willing to embrace the new and unknown and know that you are supported by the Universe. Happy New Year, Happy New You.