more bad news

How come every time I turn around there is someone else going through a medical crisis? My faculty advisor, who has been an absolute Godsend to me and a huge part of the reason why I had the forebearance to stay in grad school, just found out that she was uterine cancer. She's only 42 years old. This all happened really quickly, but she underwent surgery for a full hysterectomy on Friday, in hopes that she will not need radiation treatment. The "good news," I suppose, is that the cancer is still in stage 1 and the doctors believe that the hysterectomy should take care of everything. I hope so. As a main element of my support system here, I seriously don't know what I would do without her.

does schooling get in the way of education?

I'll admit that this is a pretty controversial question for someone in training to be an academic. I revisited one of my first loves - the library. Now this was way before using the library solely as a place to search for books/articles for reviews of literature. I mean, before the shitstorm of papers began, when reading was a pure joy... I used to go to the library every few weeks or so, wander up and down the aisles, examine an interesting title, and flip over to read the description. It is the opportunity to learn a lot about many different subjects. Just to fulfill your curiosity on a variety of subjects.

This opportunity was pretty much lost to me once I began high school because of the shitstorm of papers. I'm reading this book about finances, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad." I happened upon an interesting concept of the author about education. He argues against specialization in any one field, saying that the truly successful know a little bit about a lot and are able to integrate that information to work in their favor.

Now a Ph.D. is about as specialized as you can get.... It's about a new level of learning - creating knowledge. It's about asking questions and critically thinking and testing out theories. While I may be able to recite stats about media socialization and gender roles, I'm missing out on all of the other knowledge that's out there. I have ideas about what I wanna do. It's not about pigeon-holing myself in this one area either. The problem is that I have no clue what else is out there beyond the very specialized information that I receive from folks who have preceded in the same footsteps.

I reexperienced some of the true joy in just letting my mind wander wherever it wanted to go. Learning just for the sake of learning about whatever. How can I get that back? How do I go about being a student of life and experience if this is what I truly want? This may be out there, but it is one huge part of the motivation of formulating an exit plan before I even start building an academic career.

seasons change

"People come into your live in the category of a tree...A leaf is supposed to teach you one thing...If somebody hurt you and you see them fix it or try to fix it, keep that person around, that's a leaf tryin to grow to be something else. If they don't fix it, and don't care...let them go." -- Tyler Perry, as spoken by Madea in "Madea Goes to Jail."

I'm ready to speak on the situations that have been brewing over the past couple of days, hence all of the cryptic posts. Something pretty amazing happened the other night. Chicago called me up for a heart-to-heart. He is rising to the occasion of being the man, the partner that I deserve. He told me he wanted to follow my example and put in the work to get his life order. He told me that he loves and genuinely cares about my family. He told me he wants to make me smile and laugh, to feel appreciated, and that my feelings matter. He told me that he has never met anyone like me, that he loves me.

This is some pretty big shit. Especially from him. And especially after everything that has happened between us.

I can't help it. I feel the same way. I love him so much and I never stopped loving him. He can be a bonafide azzhole at times, but there's still another side of him that is so sweet and loving and - dare I say it - all of the things I've been wanting, besides the surface characteristics. He ain't no Ph.D. Never been to college. Ain't pulling down six figs. He's rough around the edges. But he's been my source of reason. He's been the smile on my face after a long day.

Y'know, this is a calculated risk I'm taking by entertaining the thoughts of surrendering to my feelings and giving this relationship a chance.

I love him. I do know that. He hasn't made the best choices in the past, but tomorrow starts from the decisions we make today. He's my leaf growing into a branch.

don't wanna jinx myself...

...but let's just say your girl is thinking bout some big things on the horizon. REAL big, life-changing-type things. Not sure what will happen from here, still have no idea how to work this, but I spoke directly from my heart and there was a huge breakthrough. Details later, I promise.

Pimp C for President!

Yo.... as country as this man is, he ain't telling nothing but the truth, especially about how folks is gonna talk about selling drugs on wax, they gonna have to tell the whole story. The positives and the negatives. How Southern rap is destined to go the way of the 8-track because for all the booty-shaking, there ain't one lick of social commentary. How kids soak up this stuff like sponges and ain't got nothing going on in their heads. Change starts from within. Now mind you, this is Pimp C of UGK we're talking about -- he's country as hell, he says some crazy outlandish stuff -- but he talking some real talk and don't mince no words. And the Pimp C for president was just a joke. Honestly.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/2833955bb6adc1/

really feeling this song

Chrisette Michelle - "If I Had My Way"

it's about time

My parents are leaving bright and early tomorrow morning. As nice as their first visit to Neverneverland has been, I'm ready for them to go home. Looks like I was worried much about basically nothing. My mom did make some not-nice comments about my cluttered, unorganized mess of a room, but she also helped me clean and organize. My room looks better than it ever has before. So now I believe it is possible for me to remain here in peace. Thank God, because I absolutely hate moving.

They came. They cooked dinner. They stocked my fridge. They did little handiwork around the house. They cleaned. They accompanied me out to dinner and to various museums in the area. They purchased a brand-new radio for my car. Let's say that they should come to visit alot more often!

But I'm ready for them to go. Mom has started to nag again. I can't catch a decent nap to save my life. Not to mention the numerous requests to go places once I am off of work and in desperate need of a nap, lol. I appreciate their help immensely, but let's just say it is time.

maybe i'll regret this later...

I signed my name on the dotted line of the "Save-A-Negro" fund. At the time, I felt in my heart this was something I wanted to do. And we're rocking with that motivation for the moment. Right now I ask myself what I received for what I've given... and it's actually alot. Though not in the same currency. More about this later....

moving to canada... or europe

I saw Michael Moore's "Sicko" yesterday. I am completely sickened and disgusted by America's so-called healthcare system. I knew this industry was getting over on folks, but damn.... It was really eye-opening just how far America is behind the curve with actually taking care of its citizens. For anyone reading, this is a must-see film.

This got me to thinking.... What would it be like to live abroad? The only time I've been out of the country was a few hours' worth of shopping over in Windsor and my summer vacation to the Dominican Republic a few years ago. Besides the language barriers, other countries in the Western world actually appear to look out for the physical and mental well-being of its citizens, and they seem relatively family-friendly (or at least more family-friendly than the U.S.).

Folks ain't over there ballin' out of control (and who is here? -- besides our very wealthy), but they appear to be living quite comfortable lives with FREE quality healthcare, low-cost daycare, more vacation time, etc. 5 weeks of paid vacation time per year? Unlimited sick days? Government-sponsored day care that amounts to $1US per day? Government-sponosred workers to come in and help cook and clean around the house? Are you for serious?

I'm not going to be one to make a major life decision based off of a movie. That would be dumb. But let me tell you that this has piqued my curiosity. Let's break this down: I'm 26 years old. Single and childless. Less than 2 years away from finishing my doctorate. Relatively debt-free (or certainly will be really soon). Why NOT go live/study abroad for awhile? This might sound crazy, I'm bout to do some research and start a "Living Abroad" fund.

just got paid

Wooohooo!!!! The first session of the summer teaching program is officially over today, which means, PAYDAY! I damn near passed out in happiness when I saw that paycheck. I now have enough money to completely pay off one of my credit cards. All of this for 12 hours of actual teaching per week. *doing the cabbage patch* Although it was a lot of work on the front-end, the second half will go a lot smoother. I have new students, will be teaching the same material all over again. This puts me right on track for my "Financial Freedom" plan. I WILL be free from credit card debt by this time next year. I WILL have 6 months worth of savings in the bank accruing interest. I WILL start stacking away chips for my retirement plan... All before I start working my "real job."